The Field and the Fire

‘We danced in that field’ he thought feeling the ache in his soul become a twinging pain. Her hair blew softly in the wind and he jerked out of thought. “Get down honey, they can’t see you, not yet.” She sat quietly, her eyes fixed in a distant stare. He thought that maybe she was remembering the same thing. He put a blanket around her and began to stare at the field again. The pain in his heart grew agonizing again and he grimaced as tears popped out of his eyes.

“If only they knew what they were destroying. If only they could feel this pain too.” The pain rose again as he remembered making love to her in the soft grass hidden by wildflowers. It was the most passionate love making they had ever shared, but now the bulldozers were rolling up to the field. Slowly, one by one they seemed to be forming a circle.The groundbreaking was a big deal. The new superstore was being built there touting jobs and low priced state of the art shopping for all. A low heart wrenching moan escaped him and now his tears covered his face. “That’s our place baby, how can they live with themselves.” he sobbed.

She continued to stare out the window looking much more like a babushka then a 25 year old goddess. Beneath the blanket was a small face with green eyes that once exploded with life, and red hair that rivaled the sun in it’s brilliance. Her body was slender and fit but also teasingly voluptuous. In his eyes, perfection was a word meant solely for her. He grabbed her shoulder and turned her to face him. Her eyes were now empty and her face all but disappeared in her fiery hair. He screamed through a closed mouth and squirmed violently against his pain.

Now the CEO of the company was arriving in his shimmering black limo, a familiar sight about town the past couple of days. He wrapped her more tightly in the blanket and whispered to her “Our moment is at hand baby, get ready to dance again.” When the limo stopped the driver staunchly walked to the rear door and opened it. Raucous horn music began to play. The CEO stepped out and began robotically smiling and waving.

Anxiety wracked the man, knowing their moment had come he sprung out of the car. He ran to her door and opened it. She couldn’t walk any longer so discarding the blanket her picked her up and carried her slamming the door behind him. He walked nonchalantly to the center of the ring the bulldozers had formed. The crowd was surprised. A man carrying a woman to the center of the field? Was this part of the ceremony? Then the man spoke “I would like to say something, My girl and I have been coming to this field every Sunday for the past 2 years, and before you destroy our paradise like a greedy whore, we would like to dance once more.”

The CEO was visibly shaken but conceded with a nod. He began to dance with her maneuvering her as he had before, laughing in the sunlight, swirling in the breeze. The crowd was now buzzing with comments and finally a man shouted “That woman is dead!” The man and woman stopped dancing and the gathered crowd fell silent. Then the man spoke again “On Friday, this woman who formed everything I lived for, died giving birth to our dead son.”


A scream erupted from a woman bystander as another man vomited. “I only wanted one more dance in our field and now that we’ve had it, there is only one task that remains.” said the man. He took out a lighter and lit her skirt and his pants. He had obviously dowsed them in kerosene for the fire engulfed them instantly. People scrambled for cellphones and distant sirens rang out almost instantly. The CEO was already a set of taillights on the horizon and people stood mesmerized by the 10 foot flame that raged before them.

One little boy without looking away from the inferno pulled at his mom’s sleeve and said “They’re still dancing!” Silence broke as they all watched trails of fire licking the grass. The fire spun and sashayed until the fire trucks arrived to a smoldering heap of flesh. Then as the boy and his mother moved from the field the boy looked up at his mom and said “I hope someone loves me that much one day.” The mother replied “So do I honey, so do I.”

Murky Sunshine

We were both walking and looking at the sky because it was so weird and SMACK we ran right into each other. I toppled to the ground, I’ve always been graceful huh? You reached out your big hand to me, you were almost faceless against the black sky with the sun bursting behind you. I loved you from that moment, so strong and tall, and when our hands touched I cried because I knew. We both did. I sprung up from the slight pull of your arm and this time you caught me. Deep within your arms I nestled for brief seconds until our human awkwardness interrupted the dance our spirits were having.

“I’ve never seen anything like this.” you said trying to mask the love you had felt in that brief embrace. “Kind of like a murky sunshine.” you continued. It was then that I saw the question in your eyes ‘Did she feel it or am I crazy?’ I panicked not knowing how to acknowledge the mutual sensation. “Yeah, a murky sunshine.” I blabbered but the look in your eyes confirmed that it was what you were waiting for.

The ground suddenly and violently shook. Again I was thrown into your arms. This time you held me tight and I held you back even tighter. I cried openly now and so did you sensing the short time we had. “At least we found each other before it was too late.” you said trying to ease the doom that choked up around us. “If only it had been yesterday.” I said as my anguished tears burned my face like the fire that would come.

The quakes came faster and closer and we huddled together on the ground, The sky was black, the sunshine gone. We cried and shook but we held tight to each other knowing our tragic love story’s end. “I love you.” I blurted out knowing that time was no longer worth biding. “I love you too.” you replied. So close we came that day, so close to the one thing that would have freed our love for eternity.

Alas, the bomb landed before the kiss we reached for so desperately . Even as ashes we were carried in opposite directions. Never touching in the maelstrom but always inches away. Always.

Found in an old notebook. no title

The nasty sting will dissipate
if you practice at it
Make it go away
You created the denial
you fed that monster
and now it has eaten you
You like the warmth of its belly
you like the way it constricts you
Stagnation begets security
at least in your mind
strangle your heart
it's almost dead
a little more pressure
and it will all be over
Then you can live in your own shadow
then you can torture your dreams
they only want to live
you only want to kill them

The Man

She had seen the man so many times before. In her bedroom as a child when called himself father; in her church when he called himself teacher; in the bar when he called himself boyfriend. Each time it seemed there was less reason to fight. He always won: he always got fucked, and she always got torn apart by his cruelty. it almost seemed like she had never had sex she had wanted. It was something he took over and over again. He didn't care that she didn't want it. He didn't care that he made her bleed. He didn't care that she often needed stitches afterward. No one else seemed to care either. No matter how many times she pleaded for someone to help her. Her mother, her principal, the bartender. "The world needn't know your secrets," they would say.

One time a police officer had offered to put him in jail. He filed charges against him and even took him to court. He had said that she wanted it. He had said that she liked it rough. He had said that he couldn't fight her off any longer. The policeman shook his head and turned away from her. He believed him. He had done it again when she first moved into the building. He sat by her door and waited for her to arrive home. She had screamed and cried and begged him. Not this time, let me go this time. She reminded him of all the other times, but he had laughed at her and called her crazy. He liked it anally, just like daddy. She swore to him that it would be the last time. Yet, there he sat, once again wanting what he always wanted. Waiting for his victim like an assassin.

She watched him crouch like a broken chair and his blood pulsed like a heart attack that rang in her head. His breath pulsed out and cut the air shooting through his teeth like bullets. He shook ever so slightly perhaps with the thrill he thought he would get from her. Perhaps from the fear that he would have to kill her to get what he wanted. She inched back a step easing out of the darkness. She saw him start like he would move towards her at that moment, but still he sat glaring madly at her. She could not run, and fate seemed to pull her toward him. She fought it. She knew better than to endanger herself like that, to take the chance that he would leave her be.

The breathing grew louder, the need seemed to bleed from his pores and alight in the air around him. She could feel that disease and worried that perhaps all her resolve could not tear her away from this destiny. She crept back into the darkness. She would not fear him. She had promised herself that so long ago and though the reasons were there it seemed silly to test it this way but what could he choice be? Running was never a choice, hiding was never a resolution. A surge powered her blood through her moving her body with it's force, she was ready to fight or die. She marched down the hallway knowing what could be behind the doorway, knowing what could become of this decision she had made. No more would he beat her down, no more would he make her cry as he had before. Now she was ready with the skill she needed. The fight lay in her bones the sickness it would take to destroy him now hung in her throat. It tasted like tears, it tasted like blood

She walked on with her head held high and within it she heard screaming but it wasn't real. She walked on and so may sensations flooded her. Violence and hatred and the need deep within her most primal grain to succeed in this struggle. She felt she must be close now, though her new power blinded her. She walked stronger and the terrain grew treacherous and then soft beneath her. She slid through as greasy puddle but her footing was was sure. She would soon feel him upon her and she knew what that could mean. She felt a liquid warm and sticky flung upon her from a now invisible source. She was almost past him. she knew this, there was a cacophony of pain that filtered into her ears, a loud TV she thought these neighbors are shameless. She wiped at the warmth and walked on. a crack a gush. She felt none of it and what's more she didn't care. Perhaps now it could all end. Now it could be laid to rest. She reached her door and grasped her doorknob. Her fingers slipped and left dark tracks on the brass. She unlocked the door and made her way inside. None of it seemed real. She went straight to her bed and hoped some sleep would sort it out...

A loud sound at the door awakened her. A siren, a megaphone. She went to the door seeking some excitement after her crazy dreams. She creaked the door open and stood facing a man with a gun stiffly pointed at her face. She raised her hands and the handcuffs clinked neatly upon her wrists. She was dazed and asked what was going on. what had happened? Why was she in handcuffs? She heard a man say "This one may be goin' to the looney bin." as they pushed her head into the car. The sirens wailed as they drove her away and she still hadn't seen that her dress was awash in his blood.

No title, on old computer

A rotten silence grows stale at this awkward moment. We sit and stare at everything but each other, preventing another ounce of pain from escaping through a glance. The struggle within us tangles on the outside, and the tears we should cry come out of our mouths aimed at each other. Physical pain could not justify the tempest of emotions burning inside our chests. Unleashing our personal faults to create a putrid vendetta that can exhume the power that we think we must display. Yet I am weak. So lash your double-edged tongue lying heavy in your mouth and slice me to nothing for I will bleed for you, I will die for you, if but our love will grow from memories rather than not at all.

Dreamscape (written on the first computer my family owned)

I sat upon a floating cloud and wondered where it would take me through this struggle I call my life. I watched the sky float by in animal shapes as the darkness of it all struck me as silly. I laid between the ripples and smiled at the invisible daytime stars. The glow of the sun burned my eyes and everything finally looked beautiful. When I awoke the stars winked at me as the cool wind raced past my ears and screamed in my face. I danced in the sky leaving pieces of my cloud behind. I soon fell back into the scheme of M Y B O R I N G L I F E.

No Title Given, found in a notebook with a big star on the front, One bad word

The sun beats on me like a scorned woman. The violent glare forces visions on me, my tongue a squirming carpet, my skin a broken dam. For one moment it's all true, even the contradictions coexist in my brain, but that's just the heat talking. No longer cleansing, the heat threatens to take my soul, but I walk on thinking death may now be worth the exploration. Once I wanted to help the wasting world, now I want to leave no longer fearing the mysteries and fairy tales. No longer pining for a simple truth. And I ponder the question I believe to be my last. How the fuck did I get here?